idée fixe

Literally what happens EVERYTIME I go on a diet

And I do mean in the literal sense and not the abstract sense. The following monologue actually gets delivered OUT LOUD, much to my coworkers’ irritation.

Chocolate, I want chocolate. Oh it’s 9am – too early for chocolate. NO CHOCOLATE FOR YOU, hahaha sucker, you’re on a diet. Is it weird that I am having a conversation with myself? Maybe it’s time to do some work. Okay, I’ll work now.

Geez, so many emails? Why so many emails? I really want a muffin right now. No muffin for me (sing-songy voice). And if I can’t have a muffin, no one can have a muffin. No muffin for you! No muffin for you! And no muffin for YOU! I’m like the Oprah of deprivation.

Work work work. Accountants must all be fat, this is boring. Is it lunch-time yet? Oh, it’s only 10:10. Well, this sucks. I guess I’ll drink some water – hydrate my pretty skin.

Water is not doing it for me.

Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine, I’ll work now.

I have a headache. Must be from sugar withdrawal.

SWEET IT’S LUNCH TIME!!!!!

I want dessert I want dessert I want dessert I want dessert I want dessert I want dessert I want dessert I want dessert I want dessert I want dessert I want dessert I want dessert.

This apple is a shitty dessert.

K, I just did 24 minutes of work, can I have chocolate yet?

FML. This is going to be a long day.

Whaddya mean, I should stop talking? ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?!

#teamplayer

#yesihaveADDwhydoyouask?

Best gif ever, found on my newest favorite site: http://www.playbuzz.com/katewalker10/describe-your-sex-life-with-a-spongebob-quote

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