Because words aren’t enough to express my feelings.
I still feel the Universe has a twisted sense of humor, by giving me the soul of a dancer, but a body that perpetually betrays me. Writing has helped, but sometimes all it does is serve to frustrate me by imposing linguistic limits on me. How can I possibly convey sorrow that I can feel down to the tip of the wispy hairs on my arms or the lancing sensation of joy that is similar to the plaintive sound of a violin, or how those two can follow each other in quick succession along with so many other sensations. I don’t feel emotions. I am emotions, and I need a way to express them.
So instead I look at youtube videos, on repeat, put aside money to travel the world to watch ballets, and feel all angsty and confused like a teenager.
A few of my top pics, from 4 different styles of expression (a circus number, figure skating, contemporary dance and classical ballet):