Remember Daniel from Tinder? Of course you do. How could you forget such attuned listening skills?! Well, against my better judgment, after listening to a lecture from my 23 year old cousin about how I am too quick to write people off, I decided to give him a few extra chances. That resulted in a planned ice-cream date last night. He messaged me during the day, to confirm we were still on, but volunteered the information that he was lactose intolerant and didn’t like ice cream as it didn’t fit with his diet goals. I did think he might be Patrick Bateman, but figured a date with American Psycho would be good blog content.
Unfortunately, the date never materialized:
Daniel either is the most socially-incompetent person ever (which, as the rest of my post will demonstrate, I highly doubt given the quality of his competition) or else he is one of those people that delights in gratuitously upsetting others. I took a bit too long to unmatch myself from him on Tinder, and so he had time to pile on a few additional venomous shots, such as, “I acknowledge my behavior to you was strange but I really had enjoyed seeing her the first time and was looking forward to seeing her a second time” and “Don’t get angry just because you got stood up and your ego took a hit.” Words to live by, oh wise one. I hope the ice cream gives him a bad case of diarrhea and stinky farts.
“But wait”, y’all say. “Don’t give up just because you stumbled upon one bad apple”. Perhaps y’all think that the problem is that I am on Tinder, renowned for being primarily a hookup facilitator. Perhaps my prospects would improve on other dating sites?
Behold, my top pics from Plenty Of Fish, from this weekend alone.
So cheesy, I developed temporary constipation of the heart.
And the top nominee for Worst First Impression Ever.
You guys, I just can’t. I can’t handle online dating. I can’t handle constantly steeling myself from whatever abuse or poor treatment will be thrown at me, minutes from logging on. I don’t like the bitch I become, as I try protect myself from these virtual insults, which shouldn’t bother me, but do.
I’ll take remaining single and lonely over online dating any day. Prince Charming might be out there, but godammit, I’m done hunting through the pig-pens, looking for him.