Alphonse is promoting diversity in the workforce

Remember Alphonse? How could you forget him? Impossible. 

Alphonse has been taking my company’s finance department by storm. He surprises coworkers with snacks – THE single most important way to gain loyalty and increase motivation in the officeplace. I was away from my desk all day one day last week, and when I finally got back to it, late in the afternoon, I found Alphonse waiting for me with some fudge. True love, right there.

Alphonse also attempts to find common ground with his coworkers’ interests. Here he is, rocking out to Taylor Swift. 

And lastly, he has been known to cheer up a downcast or sick coworker. 

 
Despite it only being 3 weeks since Alphonse joined our company, coworkers frequently pass by my desk to either say hi to him, or to borrow him for an afternoon, for brainstorming, ranting, or motivational purposes. Alphonse is part of the team, no doubt about it.

Only one person has yet to warm up to Alphonse: my boss. My boss is a very no-nonsense kinda guy. He has a sense of humour – sometimes. When I brought Alphonse into my boss’ office, to perform introductions, as is the custom for any new employee, my boss looked tolerantly at me, as though he were humouring a spoilt child, and asked me what Alphonse’s role would be in the department. Seeing as my boss has recently changed functions within the company, and no successor has yet been named, I proposed Alphonse could take his former role, and act as the Interim VP finance, until a permanent candidate is found. My sales pitch included such powerful arguments as “it’s in line with Group’s guidance to keep central costs low – no need to pay Alphonse a salary, a weekly ration of chocolate will do”, “he is very discreet, employees can tell him anything, and he’ll never gossip or spread rumours” and “he is guaranteed to boost employee morale – people just look at him and break into smiles.”

Funnily enough, my boss did not smile when I was done talking. I wonder why?!

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10 comments

  1. Haha! Sounds like your boss had the unfortunate kind of tumor that is known as the “stick up the ass.” That type of tumor is known to destroy the important part of the body known as the “sense of humor.” Sometimes it can be fatal if that stick is not removed early on. Very, very unfortunate. I send my condolences.

    Like

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