It begins normally. It always does.
He would have gotten bonus points had he found my cape comment amusing. I am whimsical. Appreciate that!!
I’ve written at length about my pet peeve – my boxing pictures on my online dating profile triggers (unconscious) gender bias in many of the guys that message me. I’ve also been told that I am oversensitive about this topic. That is why I decided to accept Tinder dude’s explanation about “women with agency and personal power”. I did wonder why he secretly wanted a kick-ass girlfriend – no one who sincerely wishes to have an assertive and independent girlfriend feels that is a wish that should be kept secret. But, since I am renowned for being très judgmental, I did not point out that inconsistency, and waited to see where the conversation would go.
Nope, not really. I think that was pretty rude, bro. Asking me what type of feminism I subscribe to, only to then tell me that the entire movement is misguided/wrong/harmful is an unsubtle way of letting me know that he doesn’t actually care about my opinion but really is looking for opportunities to bash feminism. The fact that I disagree with his assessment of the modern feminism movement is irrelevant.
At this point, it was abundantly clear that he in no way cares about my opinion. NO, I AM NOT INTERESTED. Trying to point out how my opinion contradicts the supposed behaviour of all feminists (because obviously, we act as one unit – seeing as we all have agency and personal power!) is not going to change my level of interest in Tinder Dude. In fact, I suspect Tinder Dude enjoys deliberately negating the opinions of girls like myself who could kick his ass. This stinks of more than just the usual gender bias – this has all the makings of a guy to whom emotional abuse is a fun pass-time, and who views passive aggressive behaviour as a strategic skill, rather than a failing.
The conversation lasted a bit longer. My favorite part came near the end of our exchange:
Of course he was.
While this Tindersation was ongoing, I stumbled upon this article about Tinder’s co-founder Whitney Wolfe.
For Wolfe, the episode served as a crash course in feminism. ‘I’m going to be honest,’ she says. ‘Up until I started work on Bumble, the “f-word” scared me. People would ask me if I was a feminist and I didn’t know how to respond. The word seemed to put guys off, but now I realise, who cares?’
I certainly don’t.